I haven't really answered an e-mail in a while here, and I think this e-mail is a good example of why I haven't. But, I've already started to answer it now, so I guess I had better finish it.

Ok, Ron...I'm Plasmafunkguy, not plasmaguy. I thought I already covered this in an earlier e-mail. I'm too lazy to make a link to it, though, so you'll just have to look for it on your own.

Ok...about your problem...first off, you do have a problem. There's no doubt about that. It seems that maybe you're spending too much time on the computer. Maybe you should spend more time with your girlfriend and searching for a new job/apartment. The only excuse for staying on your computer that much is if you're making a cool website like I am. And frankly, you don't sound all that funny. Now, I haven't actually played any of the "Lord of the Rings" games, but they do look pretty good. However, no game in the world should keep you away from your girlfriend. Nothing will wind you up in Singletown faster than ignoring a girl because of a video game.

Now, about the whole dressing up like an elf thing. In a way, it's a very sweet gesture. In another way, it's really creepy. Firstly, you must realize you're not Legolas. Legolas is incredibly good-looking, and you don't sound even moderately good-looking. Furthermore, Legolas has impeccable hygiene. I'm not sure how he managed to stay so clean, but he did. I'd be surprised if you even flossed on a regular basis. No more dressing up like elves. That's all there is to it.

Also, girls don't like guys who try to get them into bed. Girls are good for more than just sex, you know. Like snuggling! (I'm a firm believer in snuggling.) Maybe you could snuggle with her a little more. And if you're feeling really brave, you could "talk about your day." Girls love to talk about stuff. Now, if you're feeling a little bit crazy, take her shopping. No girl can resist a good sale on clothing. (Or so I'm led to believe by commercials.) If you make your girlfriend happy, she'll make you happy. Unless you have a crappy girlfriend or something like that.

Now, your first priority is making up for the little elf dress-up incident you pulled. I suggest a romantic dinner. Surprise her with a dinner that you personally prepared. Pasta is always good. Have lots of candles and flowers. Girls dig that kinda stuff. (So do I, in case any of the readers where thinking of sending me a birthday present.) It's gotta be in a halfway romantic place, too. You can't have a romantic dinner in your parents' basement.

So, that's what you gotta do. Get off your computer and out of the elf outfit. Just remember: nice dinner and lots of snuggling. You can't go wrong!