Hey delighted reader...

Wow...I can't believe a delighted reader wrote to us. Usually we get angered or annoyed readers. I must say this is a pleasant surprise. But now, I shall answer your question. The woodchuck, (Marmota monax) or groundhog as it is better known, is a rodent who belongs to the Squirrel Family.

Ya know, I wish I belonged to the Squirrel Family. That would be so awesome. Maybe I can get that arranged somehow. Anyways, as I assume you already know by your capitalized "IF" and "COULD," woodchucks can't actually chuck wood. Though they have large front teeth which they use for eating (obviously), they mostly eat leaves, flowers and soft stems of various grasses, of field crops such as clover and alfalfa, and of many kinds of wild herbs. Peas, beans and corn are favorite garden crops that the woodchuck often consumes. Woodchucks occasionally climb trees to obtain apples and pawpaws which they relish.

Aren't you glad you know that now? I feel like an educational show on PBS. Don't get me wrong, I love PBS, and once I have money I plan to donate to them, but that doesn't mean I want to be like one of their shows.

Anyways, I'm still yet to answer your question. If we assume a woodchuck COULD chuck wood, then I guess we're also assuming that a woodchuck had the means of obtaining a few thousand dollars to purchase a wood chucking machine. I guess he could work as a gopher for a construction company or something and make his money that way. But, this is all hypothetical. So, let me get everyone up to speed here: we're assuming that a woodchuck can physically lift wood into a wood chucker, and we're also assuming that he went looking for a job, got the job, and obtained a few thousand dollars to buy the wood chucker. We're also assuming that a woodchuck has the motivation to chuck wood. I'm not exactly sure why they would want to chuck wood, especially since their homes are made out of dirt. Perhaps the woodchuck wanted a nice carpet for his little woodchuck family.

Ok, so this is really hypothetical and we're assuming a lot. But, I'm sure he could chuck an entire tree or so in a couple hours if he really concentrated on it. So...I hope I answered your question.

A woodchuck could chuck a lot of wood if a woodchuck could chuck wood. (About a tree or so, I would imagine.)

Ok...so...everyone else send me some cool e-mail that I can answer and I shall forever be your online slave. (Maybe)

P.S...delighted reader- I would like to "do you the honor" of something else at a later point in time and make you an even more delighted reader. I have your e-mail address and I shall get "in touch" with you shortly. Your online flirting shall not go unnoticed!