thank you,
maria from massachusettes

Ok, everybody. This is gonna be a speed e-mail. I'm gonna try to answer it in 20 minutes or less. Ok, I'm starting the clock right now. GO!

Let me first cover internet etiquette. I appreciate you wanting to add emphasis to the e-mail, but when you type in all caps, that means you're YELLING! I just wanted to clear that up. I appreciate the attempt, but I don't appreciate the yelling. Not cool. Not cool at all.

Ok...on with the e-mail. I'm glad someone has finally realized my potential. In case any of you were wondering, I am a genius. I have a certificate and everything. It was one of those learn at home things. I think the degree came from somewhere in Russia. It all seemed a little shady, but then they sent me the certificate, so I was sold!

I'm getting off topic. If you happen to know your nursery rhymes, you'll know that Peter Piper actually did pick a peck of pickled peppers. In fact, it states, "Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked." So, there is no question whether or not he picked the peck of peppers. We know he did that. But, even the poem is unsure of where the peck of peppers went. "Where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?" it asks. The poem doesn't even know. (Stupid poem!)

To start off, let's establish how much a peck actually is. Now, a peck can be a quick kiss on the cheek, but I really don't think that's the unit of measurement they're refering to. "How much is a peck?" you ask? Well, I'll tell you. 1 peck is equal to 8 quarts. 2 pints equal one quart. On the other end of the measurement, 4 pecks equal a bushel, and 1 bushel is about equal to 2,150.4 cubic inches. So, that should put it into prespective for you. Basically, our friend Peter had picked himself quite a lot of peppers.

You know, this reminds me of a story about my friend, Bill "Skankypants" Schaffer. One day, "Skankypants" was sitting in a bar, drinking himself silly. This totally hot girl walked in, but he didn't even notice her since he was so drunk. Wait a minute...this doesn't have anything to do with pickled peppers. I'm sorry, I'm a little confused today. I must be thinking of a different "Skankypants" story. I can't recall it at the moment, though. Ok, on with the answer...

So where did all those pickled peppers go? My guess is that he ate many of them. Unfortunately he got very sick from all of his pickled pepper consumption and vowed to never eat a pickled pepper again. So, he was forced to get rid of the pickled nuisances somehow. Fortunately, he lived very close to a pickled pepper producing plant. The plant purchased the pickled peppers from him and sold the pickled peppers back to the people at an inflated price. (8 of those words in the last sentence started with "p". That is so cool.)

Yep. So, that's how it went down. Or at least that's the story I fabricated to answer this e-mail in less than 20 minutes. It wasn't so much of answer as it was an excuse for me to start words with the letter, "p".

So, that's it, everybody. Keep sending me e-mails!

No time to spell-check this. You'll have to figure it out with all the misspelled and whatnot. Good luck!

Wow...19 minutes and 20 seconds! I rock!