Old Plasmafunk Index | Product Reviews Index | Product Review

After looking around on Ebay for a while, I decided to put together a little list. I call it "the worst gift idea list." These are real items for sale on Ebay. There are plenty of stupid items like this everywhere! Enjoy!!!

$2,000
“I have had this strange wine bottle that my grandfather had given me back in 1987. He claimed that it was my great grandfather who had been murdered and then his spirit had entered this wine bottle. I didn’t believe it for years, and just put the bottle away in my storage room until one day when I was in my basement and heard something moving around in the storage room. Well I was very freaked out and thought maybe there was an animal in there or perhaps even a thief. Well I walked in a turned on the lights and sure enough nothing could be found. Well a few days later I heard all the way from my upstairs something fall in the basement. I ran down to see what it was and it turned out to be the box this wine bottle had been in. I thought nothing of it at the time and just put the bottle back on the shelf. Well ever since that day about 2 years ago strange things have been happening to my home. I have heard loud noised coming the basement with out any explanation of what and why. Lights have been turning on and off and most scary I have seen at least 3 or 4 ghosts in my home since that day. And I would like nothing more than to get rid of this scary bottle because it is scaring the hell out of me. First off for this auction, I Swear on my mother’s grave that this story is 100% genuine and this auction is no hoax or fraud. That leads me to the bidding On end of this auction and your payment you will receive the actual bottle along with a the hand written accounts I’ve had with this bottle and several pictures of the places the bottle has been stored throughout the years. All Sales are FINAL no exceptions and you MUST pay within 7 days of the end of auction.”

Yeah, you got it right. You can now purchase a human soul trapped in this world – specifically an empty bottle of alcohol!!!!! I don't know what's creepier, a Chucky doll or an angry, boozed up dead grandfather. Here's the question: if you want to get rid of the bottle, why are you selling it for two grand? Sell it for a dime or something. Some people are so greedy, they'll attempt to turn a profit on the evil soul of a departed loved one. It's sad really.

$1.25
“This is a short version of a short story. Well, here goes. One night this week, I began watching a story about a "ghost in a jar." I thought, "What the heck, I'll have a few drinks and see where it goes." Well, two turned into three, three to four. You know the way it goes! Before I know what was happening, the bottle was plum near empty and the high bid was 300000000 dollars. Wow! Well, I finished off the bottle, and I looked down and you know I had that dang ghost in my bottle!!!! Well, I don't want it, and it looks drunk, and I'm scared. I put the lid on realllly tight. Strange things are happening: my head hurts, I feel sick, bright lights and noise hurts my head. I have to get rid of it quick!!!! Only bid if you are serious about buying a drunk ghost in a Jack bottle. This sale is final.”

You know what's great about this new internet of ours? The fact that something so stupid as a ghost in a bottle gets a response such as this. There was another response that included a picture of a frightened man staring at a half-empty Diet Coke bottle. A swift kick in the pants to Mr. Wine bottle, eh?

$9.00
Urine Sample Bottle
“This beautiful bottle measures 6" high and 2.5" across the bottom. On the bottom of the glass in the centre there is a circle and in the centre of that is the letter B with a line straight down the middle of it. Above the circle there appears to be a small square with a + in the middle , then a diamond shape on its side then a circle. Below the main circle there is the number 6. On one side is the embossed inscription, URINE SPECIMEN BOTTLE and on the other are the gradations up to 7oz. It is in terrific condition. Use it as a flower vase or how about putting it in the office fridge for your coffee cream. Better yet, use it for apple juice!”

Ok, now I just love this item. I suggest that everyone bid on it. I would kill to be the proud owner of a bottle that once held real human excretions. You gotta love the idea of putting a single, long-stem rose in a piss jar. Nothing could be more romantic.

$15.00
Complete Iditot's Guide to Handling Break Up

Speaking of romantic. If the Urine bottle sells out, be sure to buy your loved one this book. Nothing says anniversary like a book on breaking up. And yes, the seller did spell "idiot" as "iditot." Ironic, yes? So, drop the "let's be friends, just friends" speech and just buy this book and hand it to the dumpee. It'll be a great way to say "get the hell out." I just wish this item came with a description.