Old Plasmafunk Index | Product Reviews Index | Product Review

Long Island Local Broadcasting Unanimously Deemed Armpit of American Television

It had been a long day, and I just wanted to relax with a girl I’ve been dating, make some popcorn, and watch some television. We turned on the television and popped in a tape we had been sent from some some people who stumbled across our site. It was called Industrial Television, and the premise was a show about random old commercials and educational films. Excitedly, I hit play and waited for the hilarity to ensue. I’ll be honest when I say that I assumed that the show would be mildly coherent with some basic timeline. No such luck. It’s hard to explain. I didn’t understand – I couldn’t understand. It was as if two drunk, high monkeys off their ADD medication decided to edit a television series. And, surprisingly, it wasn’t good. I guess it just didn’t fit into my entertainment ideals for the evening – watching cartoon porn with a girl isn’t my idea of a good time. Watching cartoon porn at all is not a good time – unless you’re Mickey Mouse I guess. Yet, watching it in fast forward was pretty funny. “Is little red riding hood naked? Are those little red riding hood’s nipples???? I don’t remember this part of the story. What is her Grandma wearing??” I had to turn it off when the wolf said “….the better to …. you with.” The rest of the hour was filled with random movies of stuff I didn’t care about or laugh at. So, at the end, I happily turned off the television and had nightmares about various cartoon characters. Eventually, I’ll be able to repress the experience completely, but it will take a few of my therapy sessions. I give the show an F for effort, an F for creativity, an A for idea, but another F for follow through. So, my suggestion is: if you live in Long Island, and you want something to do, your time is better spent beating your wife and children*

*Never ever beat your wife and children. It was an example to illustrate how useless the television program is. Never ever hit your wife, husband, children, other family members, pets, etc.