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Jeff?s Big List O? Google Searches That Turn Up www.plasmafunk.com (Volume XI)
-jeffrey

These are all real searches done by real people. The did these searches on various search engines (mostly Google) and ended up at our site after it came up as a result for their search. This is the tenth edition of such lists. Happy reading!

?how to wear a du rag?
It's a very complicated science.

?nude garden gnome?
Those are the best kind!

?shoot the sherbert to me herbert?
No matter how many times I hear this, it's still funny. I'd like to also thank my grandmother for introducing me to the nonsensical phrase.

?how many peppers are in a bushel?
That just doesn't sound as cool as ?how many peppers are in a peck?.

?funny bowling team names?
Do people actually name their bowling team? I mean...would you be intimidated by a bowling team named the Warriors or the Fighting Cougars? Heck no. You know why? Because they're bowlers!

?lonely housewives?
Those are the best kind! (Did I just say that up higher on the list? Oh well...it's just the truth.)

?pictures of teenage pregnancy?
What an odd, odd search.

?skeleton welding helmets?
Do skeletons really need to protect themselves while welding? I mean...it's not like sparks are going to fly in their eyes or something.

?pictures of impaled objects?
That banana has a pencil through it!

?renovating grandma's house?
I don't know why I think this is funny. But it is. It's really funny.

?chuck norris karate commandos?
I totally want some Chuck Norris karate commandos. Chuck Norris kicks some serious butt!

?sex underwater?
Like...you mean when dolphins do it?

?scray crap?
Is ?scray? a word?

?630-foot-tall structure?
When a 629-foot structure just won't cut it.

?neighbors swapping?
This is all sorts of wrong.

?make your own high heels?
This is such a great idea. I'm gonna go do it right now.

?underwear on your head?
Personally, I can't think of a better place to wear it.

?how to do the hustle?
Do the hustle! Duh Duh Duh....Duh Duh..Duh Duh..Duh Duh...... Duh Duh Duh....Duh Duh..Duh Duh..Duh Duh

?big bouncy breasts?
I'm really glad that guys looking for pornography come to our site and become severely disappointed by what they find.

?elves jacking off?
What's wrong with you people?!?!?

?really tall ugly girls naked?
Why do these searches keep coming up with results for our website? I think Google is misrepresenting us.

?gopher blender bite me?
Ok...There are so many things wrong with this search: a) What is a gopher blender? b) Who blends gophers? c) Where do you even buy a gopher blender? d) How can a blender bite you? e) Where's the comma that should come after the word, ?blender??

?top ten doctor dragon?
I wish my doctor was a dragon. Or at least a small lizard.

?what do grocery stores expired eggs?
They give them to charity.

?happy spanksgiving?
Happy Spanksgiving! Everyone, bend over!

?slutty ways to impress a guy?
There's nothing impressive about being slutty. Anyone can be slutty. Being slutty isn't funny, people. It's just wrong.

?top ten ways to go out with a girl?
There's more than one way to go out with a girl? I'm puzzled by this.

?ten things you should know about doctors?
Did you know so-called ?doctors? have to go to ?school? many years before they can get a ?degree? to practice ?medicine??

?the blob stick figure?
Ok...How can you be a blob and a stick figure? That's like being a sphere and a straight line at the same time.

?bill cosby's jell-o commercials?
Those commercials were great. They were almost as good as his Kodak commercials.

?reasons to vandalize?
I can't think of any reason not to.

?what do mexican decorate with for christmas? Lots and lots of sombreros and salsa, if I'm not mistaken.

?the difference between merry christmas and happy holidays?
Do you really need to do a search to figure this one out?

?i love ninjas with all my pee pee?
I concur.

?die screaming with sharp objects?
That's good advice.

?things that a rollerskating dj can say?
I doubt the things a rollerskating DJ would say are that much different than then things a non-rollerskating DJ would say.

?santa pimp picture?
Yeh...Santa is a pimp, isn't he?

?pictures of how a giraffe would look like in the future?
I'm sure they'd have lots of multi-colored rings around their necks for no apparent reason.

?dj shadow willy wonka?
That sounds like a lethal combination if I ever heard one.
?how to mummify yourself?
Can dead people mummify themselves?

?dan rather and bob barker?
Dan Rather and Bob Barker take on DJ Shadow and Willy Wonka in a steel cage death match this Sunday on pay-per-view! Don't you miss it!

?top ten things you can make for your girlfriend for christmas?
That girl has the cheapest boyfriend ever.

?homemade pool cue?
I have been meaning to whittle my own pool cue with my swiss army knife. I really should get around to doing that.